PO Thank everyone in advance! I want to thank everyone for previous ideas, and Cuddle Party http://www.cuddleparty.com I have been a facilitator for 8 parties, received a weekend training, 40+ training by SKYPE with 10 other members with oversight by credentialed therapists on a board, and attended 4 parties as a participant. I struggle with certification. The problems/opportunities are: 1. Place, 2. Group of people, 3. Time, 4. How 5. Perception of an orgy/potential orgy since it is in a private home/hotel with the name "cuddle.": Spencer Turnick has become my mentor (he doesn't know this.) He directs humanity (nudity which indeed will involve touch/affection instead of actors who portray porn/sex. Below is the original post where I began considering the double bind/paradox of a nonsexual workshop in settings appropriate for orgies and no one available for public spaces fully clothed for the same workshops. Peer reviewed literature supports the humanity of public displays of affection in a nonsexual way as beneficial.
Cindy Gallop speaks on Ted.com Make Love Not Porn http://blog.ted.com/2011/02/24/new-on-ted-books-cindy-gallops-make-... , Spencer Turnick persuades naked people to act in a friendly nonsexual way to depict art related to a musical event normally.
A while back I wrote a book about guys disappearing from the Earth (unpublished) so imagine my interest when I saw a piece by Phillip Zimbardo on the Demise of Guys by Ted.com with the supposition that technology is detrimental. So I have been connecting many things as only a polymath can do. I even tried to come up with ideas to address the tech overload guys have on the Ted.com forums. I attempted to discuss this with full disclosure of my exposure to a Cuddle Party (pajamas stay on while people practice a communication workshop which may/may not include affection that is consensual and boundary appropriate for a nonsexual workshop) I am a facilitator (not certified and not listed with) and everything was wiped clear and the discussion ended on my forum on Ted.com. So I started a discussion as a mystery guest about a mystery problem and then discussed with about 8 people including a translator who must have been the culprit of my forum demise. And I got to talk about the address to my heart's content sans the only solution I know that isn't Leo Buscaglia, a man who taught hugging many people each day, or Amma from India who basically is affectionate as well. What I learned is that Leo didn't change society. What I learned from Ted.com is that "touch" is being used to sell technology by calling technology titles involving the word touch and rare instances of massage in word searches and not much including affection, meanwhile our society as a whole has touch deprivation.
My idea is a workshop that exists already that includes communication and a lot of touch with pajamas on and a facilitator and buddy who are led by the facilitator who is certified with 60+ training hours and also CPR/AED/First Aid. The workshop is nonsexual and communication happens all 3 hours of the workshop, and so does touching if consensual. At every step I encounter double bind statements. Nonsexual--must be done privately,
Can the demise of guys be averted by touch/affection and communication besides porn? Can the demise of guys be modified by Leo Buscaglia National Public Television videos? Can the demise of guys be important to changing power structures in society? I am more concerned about touch deprivation and appropriate touch than any aspect. How does Spencer Turnick get so many thousands of people to show up with no underwear and get naked so he can make a better living? The people appear nonsexual
My understanding is that men experience pleasure in the same area of the brain as the violence area, and that women do not experience pleasure in the same area of the brain as the violence area. Women are violent with children often. Men are violent in culture more often (war, women and children, including sex in a more overt way.)
Women who are provided domestic violent shelters are not cornered and do not kill the same higher ratio of men. The same number of women die with or without domestic violent shelters that protect women.
Women do not show up in the same numbers to Cuddle Parties. There are always more men than women, even when the costs are lowered for women, and even if men are given an incentive to ask women to join the group.
Reciprocal. Going to get a massage does not express the freedom and relaxation of acceptance of being in a consensual relationship of affection--which may lead to sex, and doesn't have to lead to sex. Intimacy of affection may free one from performance, conquest, complicated double binds,giving support to clear statements and understanding including trust.
Affection can be sexual without the expectation that there will be fulfillment/denoument/completion. A form of flirting is not being a tease. It is the enjoyment of the journey.
I go to that place of awe when I am in music. Usually songs with no words find me in worship to God. Crying or laughing radically may be a thin place. I heard a sermon that there are places when there are less than 3 feet between Heaven and Earth, and they are described as the thin places where one can reach the other side. Movies can bring me to laughter and tears. Otherwise I have no big displays. Dancing is unusual for me now, and was natural and common when I was younger.
Imagining a hug is a thin place. Playing a musical instrument, swimming, and being in the presence of children are thin places where I can reach across and touch Heaven with the spectrum of joy, which can be chaotic, cacophonous. The last time I felt that was April 15 when the race relation ceremony took place at Emory University, I sang my high notes, and we could dance holding hands with the other people in the auditorium to loud music. There is no work here. Happenstance. None of what you experience wells up in me. I am blindsided by the concepts of the higher power. I cannot call forth and know that the experience will resonate.
What does this mean, "Boys at school are the 'Canaries in the coal mine'" regarding performance in school and hyper performance with tech?
The communication workshop I facilitate teaches communication skills of power to stand ones ground and make one's request as well as answer yes or no and never maybe to requests from others. The first question people practice asking is, "Will you kiss me?" The second question is, "May I kiss you?" And this is not specific, so it could mean a question of kissing on the cheek or brow, Being specific and clear in communication is remarkably helpful to communication. I am convinced if I had not been clear, I would never have been kissed anywhere other than my cheek my whole life.
I am back here Kim because Adonis wants to learn piano, and Luis is toying with learning piano. I offered a lesson on SKYPE, and they both preferred a class in a tech program. Garage band for Adonis and a piano virtual keyboard for Luis. I checked out both of them. They both prefer tech over interacting with me, and Dad has been in the hospital 4 times near death in the past 5 weeks, and a friend was in the paper online and people are blaming him for a child with anorexia, and a woman died on the Silver Comet Trail, the original woman who died did so six years ago this month. Meanwhile my sister has a 32 year anniversary, and my husband's parents have been married 60 years near the end of this month or beginning of next month (I forget). For all I know I could croak tomorrow and people either take me for granted or don't want to bother with me or by me. and I could be gone and they missed me forever. Except they heard my youtube and they wrote back and forth with me. Do you even teach music lessons Kim?